I really shine when....

Yesterday I was a bit mean to myself. So, I'm going to give myself some hugs today!

I really shine when:

• I have just showered and my hair is still wet and I smell clean and look all sparkly.
• I have a classroom full of teenagers eagerly listening to what I'm teaching (unfortunately, this doesn't happen too often.)
• I'm making food! :D
• I read my baby boy stories before bed.
• I find something fun to do that costs nothing, or nearly nothing.
• Similarly, when I take my family on an outing that costs most people lots of money but I have planned it to cost us very little.
• I play dragons with my son.
• I let my husband sleep in and make sure he has coffee for when he wakes up.
• I check out a book that my husband loves, or (rarely) purchase one that he loves. (We don't share the same taste in books at all, so this IS a feat)
• I try something new that scares me, but I do it anyway and just love it.

That's all I can think of while my adorable child pesters me to play Nick Jr. games. Heehee!

When do YOU shine?

Like a rolling stone...

We are actually FREE to leave this state (well, not quite, but soon enough). For the last 6 years (6 long years) we've been stuck in Texas because this is where I have gone to school, and I couldn't leave till I was done.

I finished up this summer (whew!!!) and am now working. We're still stuck here for a couple of reasons, but it finally dawned on us that we could actually PLAN the next place we move to. We've always just been like dandelion fluff, going where the wind blew, and we've really felt stuck in Texas. We don't like Houston much, although it has its appeals....lots of jobs, low cost of living, lots of culture, etc.

So, we're trying to narrow down our search. Here are some of the things we are looking for:

1. A mild climate, although seasons are nice, so we're willing to deal with snow if the town is awesome.

2. Good public transit. This indicates a desire to help the people, and also to help our Earth.

3. Liberal politics.

4. An artsy vibe.

5. Beauty. I want to live somewhere that inspires me.

6. I'd like a small town feel, but close enough to drive to a larger city.

That's enough to start.....any suggestions? Thanks!

Warning: Stress leads to bad decisions

News flash! You didn't know that, right?

I do, too. And yet, I keep making those bad decisions when I am stressed out. Usually, my stress leads to some comfort eating, and since I doubt that my life will ever be stress-free, I need to figure out how to deal with my stress in healthier ways.

Yesterday, I had a long day. My kids were taking a test, and it's always a bit depressing, since they don't study and won't do a review, and then do poorly. After school, I had a meeting that lasted 2.5 hours! Thud!! By the time I got outta there, I was getting panicked from being cooped up too long, and also because I was afraid that I was going to be late to pick up P. He goes to school so early that I like to pick him up early, and it bums me out when I can't.

I got stuck waiting for a train, and then something was wonky with the traffic lights near P's school and traffic was backed up! By the time I got him, I was so panicked and unhappy!

I didn't have anything QUICK at home (well, I probably did, but not instantaneous and honestly, it wouldn't have mattered if I did at this point, since I was so stressed out) so I decided we would eat out for dinner. I've been trying to avoid that to save money and also so that P doesn't think that we can just eat anywhere we want, at any time.

At this point, I could have taken us somewhere health-ish, like Subway. But no! Do you think that my mind would let me do that?? Heck no!! It was gonna be a buffet. It had to be. Sigh. I was out of control. Either Cici's, Souper Salad, or the Chinese Buffet. Souper Salad would have been slightly healthy and may have calmed the beast, but I didn't take that route. Cici's isn't healthy, but at least the choices are limited. Pizza and a kind of sad salad bar. But Chinese Buffet.....drool. The cheese puffs, eggrolls, noodles, jello, sushi....YUM!!!

I succumbed to the buffet and just shoveled in that food like I hadn't eaten in weeks. I don't usually eat to bursting, and tonight was not an exception, but that is the only redeeming feature of my bad choices.

I need to think of some healthier ways to deal with my stress. The problem is that food is something I have to eat daily, multiple times a day even, so I can't get away from it! If I was an alcoholic, I could simply not drink. But every day I have to make healthy food choices. And I just don't have willpower to do it every time. I obviously need some better strategies.

Any ideas?

Happy Anniversary!

Today is my 6th wedding anniversary! Honestly, I'm surprised to be here. J and I are still living separately, but not for long. We have gotten MUCH better at communicating, and I am much better at being honest about what I want and need, and telling him when he does things that make me angry.

Take yesterday: because he is moving home soon, we need to clean out our garage to have more space. So, we were going to begin this scary process yesterday. He had to go into work for a bit, but after P and I went to the market, I called him and he was going to come over. He was also going to bring me a rootbeer with vanilla flavor from Sonic. Well, he fell asleep. When I was finally able to wake him up, it still took him forever to get here because he had to go BACK to work. Since today is our anniversary, we were going to go out to dinner. Recall that because we are trying to pay off debt, we are only going out on special occasions.

I was so frustrated by the time he got here, I wasn't in the mood to have fun. We did go out to dinner (Red Robin, which is not romantic, but IS delicious with the best Boca Burgers in the entire world! Plus, it's child-friendly, and since we don't have a regular baby sitter, we generally take the kiddo with us), but it just wasn't as fun as I had hoped. I did tell him that I was upset and told him that it is things like this (flaking out on me) that have made me angry in the past.

The difference now is that I'm not holding onto those grudges. I'm telling him about them, and then letting them go. This is definitely healthier, and I think that it helps me become secure in the knowledge that I can indeed get upset and not be left. Part of why I'm not good at communicating is because I think that if I voice my grievances, I will be left all alone. My parents did not fight in a healthy manner when I was a child, so I don't have a healthy example to follow. I do know that what they did was not appropriate, so I don't do that, but I just don't know WHAT to do. That is slowly changing, as I allow myself to be upset.

With all of that said, I'm very happy to say that today is my wedding anniversary. I'm glad that J didn't give up on us, and I'm glad that I wasn't too stubborn to let him in. My relationship gets better each day, and while there will be rough spots, I hope to have a good enough suspension to weather them relatively comfortably!