"Free" time?

You'd think that I'd have some free time this week to update, but it doesn't look like that was in the cards.

I've been really busy this week! I rented my regalia for the Doctoral Hooding Ceremony (yes, they are REALLY on this....it's only March! But it worked well for me, since I was able to take care of this during my spring break!), got my cat fixed and also discovered that my gorgeous girl kitty is actually a handsome BOY kitty! Oops! It was all the fluff! (giggle)

I've been working out this week, which feels great! My goal is to keep this nonsense up when school starts, and actually LOSE SOME WEIGHT! Crazy ideas, I know.

I'm also getting ready to drive to Dallas for a retreat with some amazing Hippymoms! If you haven't met the Hippymoms yet, head on over and holla! Unfortunately, my car is acting all wonky. Look, it's even a relatively common problem! Boo-hoo-hoo! So, I'm taking J's car. Except that the inspection expired in.....JULY. So that needs to be fixed. The Universe has been trying to tell him this and he's been blatantly ignoring the message, so yesterday he got a ticket. Gah. That man irritates me. He redeems himself by being handy and nice, but honestly, the irritation to pleased ratio is highly skewed towards irritation.

So, I'm off to try to clean myself up a bit, and hopefully I'll have some really awesome stories about crazy hippymoms! Hee-hee!

Oh, remind me to tell y'all about how my phone was stolen by my kiddos at school. You know, some inspiration for the aspiring teachers out there. Snicker.

No voice.....

I've lost my voice! I have no voice at all (well, a little today, but nothing yesterday and I'm not talking today to give my sad vocal cords a chance to rest), and I've been sick since Tuesday. I think losing my voice is a result of me pushing forward and taking DayQuil to be able to teach when really, I should rest. But at my school, we get berated for having subs. Sigh. I'm definitely a firm believer of the idea that when you are sick, you should stay home and rest, but that's really not a part of the American psyche, unfortunately. I have received a lot of flack for this my whole life, and as a teacher, it seems like you are a "bad teacher" for taking a day off when you are sick. So, now I'm being punished by having no voice.

This is excruciating for me, since I love talking. I definitely feel like I have a disability, since I don't want to go anywhere public, as I feel rude by not talking to people, and have to write out notes to communicate. I can understand why people who use ASL (that's American Sign Language to you, bub) often prefer to stay within small communities, where communicating is easy because everyone speaks the same language, so to speak. Oh, the puns are not intentional, and man, are they bad! Sheesh! Sorry about that.

Fortunately, J and P are dealing with this remarkably well, probably because I don't have to care for P all alone right now. If I did, I can imagine that the poor kid would be irritated with me.

File under: Kids These Days

Sigh. Remember how when you were in school, if you (or your friends, if you are the honest sort) were going to cheat, you'd be all sneaky? Well, things are both the same and different.

I gave my kiddos a test this week. Scores were not great, for the most part. The highest score was about an 84%, from my very best students. Plus, it took the kiddos between 1-1.5 hours to complete the test (unless the bombed it and were willing to give up the ghost).

Enter Beth. Beth missed school on Tuesday and I don't see her Wednesday. When I saw her Thursday, all but a handful had taken the test. So, it's definitely possible that answers had leaked into the populace. Heck, I remember getting the answers to chemistry tests before we took them at all! (I should probably explain myself about that at some point)

Beth asked to take the test in the hall, and since this is common at my school and she has never cheated before, I said ok. The test then took her 20-30 minutes, 50% less than the average student. I graded the test, and missed only 2, which netted her about 11 points more than my BEST students....you know, the ones who study, who pay attention and are engaged, who come to tutorials.....Well, Beth is none of these things. Her current average in my class is a 60, and when she DOES turn in work, it's not good quality. She received a score lower than a 50 on a recent quiz. During class, she enjoys yelling across the room to friends while I'm talking (a lovely habit, to be certain).

With this evidence, I told her that I wanted her to retake the test. I told her why, and she understood why I thought that cheating was a possibility (that I can't prove, since she was in the hall). She refused to retake the test, telling me that she didn't want to prove herself and that I could just give her a zero. You see the added suspicion here? We went round and round, I had her call mom, who she conveniently couldn't reach. At this point, I was not going to continue to discuss this with her, so I told her she could leave. I wasn't angry at any point, just trying to figure out why all of a sudden she was the smartest kid, as far as evolution was concerned. Oh, she did better than a preAP teacher's "nerdiest" student, too. Hmm.

I emailed my AP, telling him the situation. The I called Dad, who told me he was on his way.

We had a lovely conference, with mom in some slight denial about her daughter (not dad, though!), and Beth continued to refuse to retake the test. Nothing could get through to this child!

Finally, I told her and her parents that my suggestion was that she think about this over the weekend. I would make the new test, and if she wanted to take it, it would be ready for her. We'll see what she decides. I hope she chooses to be smart, rather than stubborn and dumb. If she chooses not to take this test again, I predict her behavior worsening in my class, and her effort declining to the point of nonexistence. Sigh.

Adding to this is the fact that her answers to her review sheet where mostly incomplete or flat-out wrong, as least as far as evolution is concerned.

The sad part is that if she were a better student, I would have undoubtedly given her this grade, as I had another student "lose" her answer sheet (she was THERE on Tuesday, I have no grade, no answer sheet for her) and she had to retake the test and ALSO got a 95%. Which, in light of these events, is obviously highly suspicious. However, although I know her to be two-faced, I also know that she is very intelligent and her work can be quite good. So, in this case she gets the grade.

It's unfortunate that Beth is getting caught up in this, and my mistake was in letting her go into the hall where I couldn't see her. I apologized to her for that, as well as for her being in this situation.

Nevertheless, I think I just gained one more flunky. Sigh.

I hope I'm wrong.

A day in the life...

Today was an interesting day at work. My days are full of ups and downs, and today was no different.

I talked to my department head, who asked if I would be staying at our school next year. I honestly told him that I'm not sure. He asked me what classes I would like to teach, since he would really like me to stay. He told me that he's been very impressed with my teaching and classroom management, which is very flattering, although I know that I certainly have a long way to go. However, all teachers can always learn and change and grow. If you know any that don't believe this, run, because you are not in the presence of a good teacher!

This interaction made me feel really good, and I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do next year. I get incredibly frustrated with my students lack of motivation, desire to learn, and just the general apathy that surrounds the campus. It's also very frustrating to have to teach to a test, which is a problem most teachers face (I envy electives' teachers).

However, I then had an interaction with a student that has left me stewing all night (off and on. I do my best to leave this stuff at school. I can't seem to drop this, which is partly why I'm posting. The other reason is so that you can get an idea of what it's like to be a public school teacher now-a-days). I have this student who can't stop talking. I'm not sure what is wrong with him, but he does not appear to be able to stop talking. Seriously. I've had a lot of issues with him about this. I've moved him ALL OVER the room. I've talked to him. I've talked to his coach. I'm talking to a parent tomorrow. I've threatened. I've kicked him out. I haven't tried to bribe him, but that's because he's so arrogant that it can be hard to even be nice to him. This is really sad, because when he came to our school (he transferred in a few months ago), he was really nice, polite, and intelligent. He made a thoughtful and worthwhile addition to the classroom, and I was really excited.

I don't know if our campus got to him (really. There's a serious apathy problem here), or if he was just acting, only later revealing his true self. However, he quickly became very arrogant and rude, and the incessant talking began.

Today was an average day. He was talking, but it wasn't too bad (I mean, I do have to deal with him daily. Most of the time it's fine). Now, I ought to point out that HIS voice really gets to me. He has a really deep voice that goes under everyone else's voice, and it distracts me. It's like this deep, rumbling, insect buzz that is incessant. It literally kills my train of thought, and I find myself having to really concentrate on what I am saying in that class. In addition to that, if ONE person talks, another person is listening. And replying. And that leads to another person talking. And another. And another. . . . You get the drift.

Things took a very bad turn, however, when this student informed me that I had "better wrap things up because we only have 10 minutes left." I was flabbergasted. Are you really going to tell ME that I need to wrap things up? And 10 minutes? Well, I can do a whole hell of a lot in 10 minutes, but that's not even the point. Even my other "bad" student was shocked that he said that to me, and that's saying a lot (typical questions from this other student include, "Can I have an Oreo?" and "How do porcupines have sex?").

Well, I just lost it. I started yelling at him for what he said, and demanded that he stop talking till the end of class. Dumb move. Do you think he's going to do it? Oh, heck no! So, he starts talking. Immediately. I tell him to move to the back of the room (I have a lab area where no one sits unless we are doing lab). Does he move? Of course not.

At this point, I called the office and informed them that they had better send someone up to get him before I hurt the boy. Now, I'm a pacifist. But these children can drive me insane!

My AP came and removed him, and I'm not sure what happened after that. Probably not much.

I know I should have handled that better, although I'm not sure how. I think that is why I can't seem to stop dwelling.

I also know that I need a game plan for the next time I see him. Fortunately, that's not until Thursday. I also have a conference scheduled with his mom tomorrow. I don't know what good that will do, but I'm willing to give it a shot.

To wrap up the day, I held tutorials, and more students came than is typical, because I told them that if they are failing, it is mandatory that they attend tutorials (I still didn't have NEAR as many students as I should have. In most of my classes, 1/2 are failing). I was able to talk about evolution in a small group, which was fun for me and I think helped clear things up for the kids. Then, a student asked if I wanted to see this video he had on his phone that they were all laughing about. I watched it, and it was one of those "Ring"-type videos where a little girl rushed the screen. I screamed, and the kids thought it was hilarious.....it really WAS hilarious! I left that tutorial feeling really good, and headed to the park to get some exercise on a gorgeous, sunny, 70 degree day (it was 2 this morning in Chicago, where I nearly moved a few years ago. Brr!).

My days are like a roller coaster, full of ups and downs. When I think of all the students who say "hi" when they see me in the halls or in the morning, when I think of tutorials where I feel like I'm HELPING, when I think of my kids who WANT to learn, I love my job. But then I have students like the one above, and I have AP's who are inconsistent, and I have all these demands that won't teach the kids but might gain us a few more points on a test, and then I hate my job.

If I could only get to a 60-40 love-hate relationship, I think I would be ok. Right now, however, I think I'm at 40-60. That's better than a few months ago, but is it good enough? Only time will tell.

Hoo, baby!

TGIF, man. Wow. The past couple of weeks have just been insanity. That's not my idea of a good time.

I've had a UTI, a cold, a horrendous virus (that is currently crippling J), I went to the Dallas Museum of Fine Arts and saw the King Tut exhibit (really awesome!), J's job is in peril (possibly) and my child has entered this really annoying stage where he is alternately demanding, then whining. When I'm lucky, he sleeps.

The museum was great, and the best part was spending the day with a select group of students who are pleasant, motivated, and friendly. It made me remember why I wanted to teach in the first place. The kids were really funny. They didn't want to leave Dallas and come home, so they suggested we take them to the mall. Then, when that didn't work, they wanted to go to a park. Next, they suggested we go to a parking lot and hang out. Really. Just hanging out in a parking lot with a bunch of teenagers. You know us chaperones were thinking, "Great!! Let's go!" Finally, they tried to get us to stop at Walmart! Those poor kids would have done ANYTHING to prevent getting home! I remember that age, and I don't miss it one bit!

P is trying to sleep on my arm, so I better get him to bed. I'm looking forward to a few days off, and I hope to be able to update a bit more regularly. That is, if my life can settle down a bit!

First day back

...Almost. The kids weren't back yet, so it was a day of preparing and training. Blech. No fun. Especially since the training was to basically help us identify the "bubble kids" (and holy cow, she actually USED that phrase, even though she was saying that is what people USED to call these kids. Umm-kay.)--those kids who would pass the TAKS test with a little extra help, versus those who absolutely will not pass regardless of what we do and those who will pass regardless of what we do. The answer does not seem to be in spending more money, in obtaining more data. The answer lies in reducing our dependency on a single test score, on wanting to TEACH children how to think, how to learn, how to be curious. When our focus is on what the students want to learn, and the students are engaged enough to WANT to learn, we will be successful. But not until then.

This, ultimately, is why I want to homeschool my child (hopefully, children). I see how much P loves to learn, and I love being able to tailor what we do to his interests. No matter how good a public school is, there is no escaping the fact that he will be one of many, and his individual needs simply cannot always be met. And honestly, with education, that is what I want for my child. When I went to college, I was able to obtain a tailored education by choosing my major, my classes, etc. And during graduate school, it was basically a free-for-all--I chose exactly what I wanted to learn about (now, I didn't do the best job of CHOOSING what I wanted to learn about, and then got stuck with that subject, but that's a completely separate issue). But why should people have to wait until COLLEGE to obtain this kind of individualized education? Sure, if I had oodles of money I could send P to some fancy private school where class sizes are smaller, his interests are valued, etc. That is unlikely to happen, though.

And, if I am being completely honest, I am being selfish. I love to teach. But I really don't enjoy teaching in the public school system. Sure, I have good days. But those good days are too few and far between to sustain me. By teaching my children, I will have a vested interest in their education (as I would even if I was not the one teaching them), and I will be able to explore what they would like to learn. Plus, there is the added bonus that the interests of my child are far more interesting than the interests of some random child. :)

In addition, I really don't like this schedule. Heck, P slept 14-15 hours at a time over this break! This tells me that he's exhausted! I had noticed some black circles under his eyes, but just disregarded it. Now, I'm feeling like a bit of a jerk because my kid is so tired! I hate that!

He's going to have to "suffer" (and I put that in quotes because he adores his pre-school) for the rest of this school year and almost certainly next year, as well. But, if I get my way, he will NOT need to enter the public school system, where a child is a commodity that can have value added or taken away, test preparation can begin as early as kindergarten, and recess and physical activity are reduced in order to add time for such worthwhile activities as worksheets over the letter A (which he is already doing, incidentally, in addition to his play time).

Lucky for me, I love anticipation and plan to enjoy the process of becoming financially solvent so that I can stay at home. Yay for the bright side, the silver lining!