Sunday, February 8, 2009

Happy Anniversary!

Today is my 6th wedding anniversary! Honestly, I'm surprised to be here. J and I are still living separately, but not for long. We have gotten MUCH better at communicating, and I am much better at being honest about what I want and need, and telling him when he does things that make me angry.

Take yesterday: because he is moving home soon, we need to clean out our garage to have more space. So, we were going to begin this scary process yesterday. He had to go into work for a bit, but after P and I went to the market, I called him and he was going to come over. He was also going to bring me a rootbeer with vanilla flavor from Sonic. Well, he fell asleep. When I was finally able to wake him up, it still took him forever to get here because he had to go BACK to work. Since today is our anniversary, we were going to go out to dinner. Recall that because we are trying to pay off debt, we are only going out on special occasions.

I was so frustrated by the time he got here, I wasn't in the mood to have fun. We did go out to dinner (Red Robin, which is not romantic, but IS delicious with the best Boca Burgers in the entire world! Plus, it's child-friendly, and since we don't have a regular baby sitter, we generally take the kiddo with us), but it just wasn't as fun as I had hoped. I did tell him that I was upset and told him that it is things like this (flaking out on me) that have made me angry in the past.

The difference now is that I'm not holding onto those grudges. I'm telling him about them, and then letting them go. This is definitely healthier, and I think that it helps me become secure in the knowledge that I can indeed get upset and not be left. Part of why I'm not good at communicating is because I think that if I voice my grievances, I will be left all alone. My parents did not fight in a healthy manner when I was a child, so I don't have a healthy example to follow. I do know that what they did was not appropriate, so I don't do that, but I just don't know WHAT to do. That is slowly changing, as I allow myself to be upset.

With all of that said, I'm very happy to say that today is my wedding anniversary. I'm glad that J didn't give up on us, and I'm glad that I wasn't too stubborn to let him in. My relationship gets better each day, and while there will be rough spots, I hope to have a good enough suspension to weather them relatively comfortably!

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